T-Ball and our Audree

Memories

One year.

A lot can happen in one year. In a few hours, my family will mark the one year anniversary since my father's death. And yes - it still hurts to say my father's "death." I often times find myself wondering if it is really possible that a man I have looked up to my whole life, who I have always thought could do just about anything, a guy who was my hero...could really not be just a phone call away.

I found myself a little emotional a few weeks ago as I walked out of the last class of my law school career. I thought, in that moment, how monumentous an occasion this was for me, and how my dad would have loved to hear about that. He would have been so proud....so proud that I'd be able to feel it through the phone and the miles that separated us.

But I got to call my mom. And she was so proud too. She let me cry....she listened to me as I told her how sad I felt that I couldn't share that moment with my dad too. She made everything okay.

And now, in a few hours, the few of us that were in that room will relive the moment when my father left this earth. My chest gets tight when I think about it. And yet, a year later, I stand grateful. More grateful than perhaps I have been in the past for the small things that life brings, as well as for the big blessings. I am so grateful for peace. My family was blessed with some pretty amazing "peace" at a very difficult time; peace that escapes description.

My tender mercies this last year have included a healthy baby daughter. I am grateful for that.

And now, if I might be permitted, I'd like to say how much I miss my dad. I miss him, and it's hard to describe how that feels. It still hurts incredibly sometimes, and his not being here leaves a void in my life.

I love you dad.

Audree Mary

Little Audree......she's got a smile that lights up the room, that little one. She's also got a scream that can do the same thing! Man, does that little one have lungs sometimes. We are so lucky that she is happy most of the time. I love this little girl.

We are about to take our first airplane trip together next week. It's kind of like a right of passage for our kids, I guess. Jack went on his first airplane trip when he was about the same age. Hopefully she'll be as good as he was!

JACK

We just got some pictures back that we had taken of the kids, and this one just cracked me up. Seriously, where does he get his amazing good looks? Must be his dad.....they look EXACTLY alike, red hair and all.

Pictures, Biting, and "Its Still OK to Kiss Your Mom"

My kids....they are so stinkin' cute. The other day when I dropped Jack off at school, I gave him a kiss goodbye. One of his friends was standing behind us in line and said "Ew.....kisses. GROSS!!!" Jack turned, looked at him with raised eyebrows and said..."Dude, that's my mom." Ah. I'm glad he thinks it is okay to still kiss your mom when you're five.

Audree, on the other hand, is busy getting some teeth. It's fun. She likes to stay awake all night now and bite. And when I say bite.....I mean I am still breastfeeding her most of the time. Fun for me. She thinks its funny. What a warped sense of humor this little red-headed girl has.

And that's what our life is like......humorous. We have so much to be grateful for. Most of that gratefulness is wrapped up in two little kids who make everything seem much brighter. I LOVE THEM.

To my Bubba and Dree Dree

Jack and Audree:

Thank you for letting me be your mom. It constantly amazes me how many mistakes I can make in a day as a parent, and yet I come home to both of you and you call me "mommy" anyway. Jack, I look at your goofy little smile and see such a sensitive soul who loves with no conditions attached. It makes my heart happy and I wonder...what have I ever done to deserve you? And my Audree....your eyes are so full of wisdom already. You came into our family under such special circumstances, and during our quiet moments together I sense that you already know the meaning of life. You just came from this special place that we all long to return to, and I feel like you have a special understanding of that process.

Love, kindness, forgiving, gentleness, beauty.....all these things just spill out of you, my two wonderful children.

Thank you for letting me be your mom.