Memories

One year.

A lot can happen in one year. In a few hours, my family will mark the one year anniversary since my father's death. And yes - it still hurts to say my father's "death." I often times find myself wondering if it is really possible that a man I have looked up to my whole life, who I have always thought could do just about anything, a guy who was my hero...could really not be just a phone call away.

I found myself a little emotional a few weeks ago as I walked out of the last class of my law school career. I thought, in that moment, how monumentous an occasion this was for me, and how my dad would have loved to hear about that. He would have been so proud....so proud that I'd be able to feel it through the phone and the miles that separated us.

But I got to call my mom. And she was so proud too. She let me cry....she listened to me as I told her how sad I felt that I couldn't share that moment with my dad too. She made everything okay.

And now, in a few hours, the few of us that were in that room will relive the moment when my father left this earth. My chest gets tight when I think about it. And yet, a year later, I stand grateful. More grateful than perhaps I have been in the past for the small things that life brings, as well as for the big blessings. I am so grateful for peace. My family was blessed with some pretty amazing "peace" at a very difficult time; peace that escapes description.

My tender mercies this last year have included a healthy baby daughter. I am grateful for that.

And now, if I might be permitted, I'd like to say how much I miss my dad. I miss him, and it's hard to describe how that feels. It still hurts incredibly sometimes, and his not being here leaves a void in my life.

I love you dad.