T-Ball and our Audree

Memories

One year.

A lot can happen in one year. In a few hours, my family will mark the one year anniversary since my father's death. And yes - it still hurts to say my father's "death." I often times find myself wondering if it is really possible that a man I have looked up to my whole life, who I have always thought could do just about anything, a guy who was my hero...could really not be just a phone call away.

I found myself a little emotional a few weeks ago as I walked out of the last class of my law school career. I thought, in that moment, how monumentous an occasion this was for me, and how my dad would have loved to hear about that. He would have been so proud....so proud that I'd be able to feel it through the phone and the miles that separated us.

But I got to call my mom. And she was so proud too. She let me cry....she listened to me as I told her how sad I felt that I couldn't share that moment with my dad too. She made everything okay.

And now, in a few hours, the few of us that were in that room will relive the moment when my father left this earth. My chest gets tight when I think about it. And yet, a year later, I stand grateful. More grateful than perhaps I have been in the past for the small things that life brings, as well as for the big blessings. I am so grateful for peace. My family was blessed with some pretty amazing "peace" at a very difficult time; peace that escapes description.

My tender mercies this last year have included a healthy baby daughter. I am grateful for that.

And now, if I might be permitted, I'd like to say how much I miss my dad. I miss him, and it's hard to describe how that feels. It still hurts incredibly sometimes, and his not being here leaves a void in my life.

I love you dad.

Audree Mary

Little Audree......she's got a smile that lights up the room, that little one. She's also got a scream that can do the same thing! Man, does that little one have lungs sometimes. We are so lucky that she is happy most of the time. I love this little girl.

We are about to take our first airplane trip together next week. It's kind of like a right of passage for our kids, I guess. Jack went on his first airplane trip when he was about the same age. Hopefully she'll be as good as he was!

JACK

We just got some pictures back that we had taken of the kids, and this one just cracked me up. Seriously, where does he get his amazing good looks? Must be his dad.....they look EXACTLY alike, red hair and all.

Pictures, Biting, and "Its Still OK to Kiss Your Mom"

My kids....they are so stinkin' cute. The other day when I dropped Jack off at school, I gave him a kiss goodbye. One of his friends was standing behind us in line and said "Ew.....kisses. GROSS!!!" Jack turned, looked at him with raised eyebrows and said..."Dude, that's my mom." Ah. I'm glad he thinks it is okay to still kiss your mom when you're five.

Audree, on the other hand, is busy getting some teeth. It's fun. She likes to stay awake all night now and bite. And when I say bite.....I mean I am still breastfeeding her most of the time. Fun for me. She thinks its funny. What a warped sense of humor this little red-headed girl has.

And that's what our life is like......humorous. We have so much to be grateful for. Most of that gratefulness is wrapped up in two little kids who make everything seem much brighter. I LOVE THEM.

To my Bubba and Dree Dree

Jack and Audree:

Thank you for letting me be your mom. It constantly amazes me how many mistakes I can make in a day as a parent, and yet I come home to both of you and you call me "mommy" anyway. Jack, I look at your goofy little smile and see such a sensitive soul who loves with no conditions attached. It makes my heart happy and I wonder...what have I ever done to deserve you? And my Audree....your eyes are so full of wisdom already. You came into our family under such special circumstances, and during our quiet moments together I sense that you already know the meaning of life. You just came from this special place that we all long to return to, and I feel like you have a special understanding of that process.

Love, kindness, forgiving, gentleness, beauty.....all these things just spill out of you, my two wonderful children.

Thank you for letting me be your mom.

Introducing…….Audree Mary Flowers!!!!

Our little angel was born two short weeks ago, on November 16th at 8:05pm. The time she was born is pretty significant, because we almost didn’t make it to the hospital in time! Brice almost had to deliver this baby in the car on the way to the hospital. I learned quickly that the most terrifying words you can hear when you are in pretty nasty labor are “It’s too late for your epidural, honey.” It is somewhat ironic that little Audree wanted to come so quickly, considering that she made her arrival 5 days past her due date!

Needless to say, we love this little girl. I have often thought in these last few days of the miracle that we have just experienced, and how desperately our family needed something happy like this. She is beautiful! She reminds our family that there is good in the world, and that God is very aware of what lies in the deepest parts of our heart.

This little blessing is just what our family needed.

My little brother goes on a mission.....

My little brother, Jake, leaves for his mission to Mexico this next Wednesday. I am so proud of my courageous, faithful little brother. He knows exactly where God wants him to be for the next two years.....what a peaceful assurance! Though I live across the country already, I will miss him.....but I wait anxiously to see him when he comes back and to hear of those experiences that undoubtedly will cause him to change in a very special and unique way. It seems like yesterday that he was brought home from the hospital to our family....so small and so bald! Now, he has grown into this young man that the Lord trusts to do this very special and grown-up thing. Wow.

Poem for my Dad

As we are getting ready to see our little girl for the first time, my thoughts often turn to those she must leave behind. While we are excited for her to come, I often think about the time she is getting to spend with the family we have had to say goodbye to in the last few months. It is almost time for her to say goodbye to them too, and it reminds me of the mixed emotions of saying goodbye to our parents, and yet knowing EXACTLY where they were going. It's sad and happy, all at the same time.

I wrote a poem for my dad shortly after he died - man, does it still ache to say that. I don't know if that ache ever completely goes away. Because I know my little girl has to do the same thing I did a few short months ago, I've been thinking a lot about that poem and the feeling I put into it. Here it is:

Dad’s Poem
-from your Laura – May 2010

In the quiet of my heart
A crater has begun to form;
A massive excavation,
That wasn’t there before.

A mind that was once bright,
Now finds itself more dim;
And his family and friends find themselves
Already missing him.

Life around me changes
But no more so than in my heart.
It’s hard to draw a line between
Where the pain ends and where it starts.

And yet amidst uncertain ache
A quiet peace persists
A peace that only One can bring
A presence that can’t be missed.

Always one to hear the call
Of family and friends in need
Now he hears another voice
One we know that he will heed.

For another need awaits his care
And this call comes from above;
It comes from a voice he knows he must follow;
A voice he’s come to love.

For this is a man who knows the voice
Of his Savior, Jesus Christ;
He’s followed the example of the Son
In his own daily sacrifice.

So, as God calls my father home,
Though my heart is crumbling,
I can hear his answer clear as day;
“I hear the call; I’m coming.”

Jackson's first week at Preschool

Jack started his first full week of preschool this fall today. We had a rather interesting conversation on the way home that I though I'd relate:

Me: "How was your day at preschool today?"
Jack: "Fun."
Me: "What did you do?"
Jack: "Well, I tried to draw a picture."
Me: "What was the picture of?"
Jack: "I tried to draw a picture of you, mommy, but your body is so big that I couldn't get it all on the paper."

OUCH......

Meet our new little girl!!!!

We figured it was time for everyone to meet our new little sunshine. We are going to have a little girl, whom Jack has named "Light Sabor," around the first part of November. We are so excited - and we actually are still in a state of shock. Jack really doesn't know what to think.

Isn't she beautiful?

Even as I write this and look at her first picture, I get a few tears in my eyes. After such a hard year for our little family, we have been blessed with a special miracle. I know she is up in heaven getting acquainted with my dad and Brice's mom, and that in a few short months she'll being saying goodbye to them and to our Heavenly Father. She'll come to our family on earth with a mom and dad who've wanted her to come for a long time, and (hopefully!) to a big brother who appreciates the miracle that is this little girl.

We love her already!!!!

Family

This is what is most important. That's it.

Gary Joseph Albiston

Gary Joseph Albiston, born October 16, 1951, passed away peacefully on May 5, 2010. He was the second child born to Mary Evelyn Cronquist and Gilbert Joseph Albiston. He grew up in the state of Colorado with his two sisters, Gladys and Beverly. After graduating from high school, he served a mission for the LDS church in Pennsylvania. He went to school to become an accountant.
He met his wife, Rebecca, in Washington and they were married in the Manti Temple on December 4, 1973. He was the father of 8 kids: Julie, Laura (Brice), Nathan (Naomi), Spencer (Diane), Ryan (Stephanie), Megan, Jacob, Katelyn, and his bonus boy, Ray. Gary was heavily involved in Scouting and earned his Silver Beaver Award in September 2009. Gary especially enjoyed his work at the LDS Humanitarian Center, where he was the one who told the jokes. He loved the people he worked with and considered them an extension of his family.
Throughout his lifetime he served in numerous callings in the Church and was currently serving in the Young Men’s Presidency. Gary loved the outdoors, his horses, and was looking forward to having another son serve a mission this fall. He is survived by his wife, Rebecca, his 8 children, and 8 ½ grandchildren. He was preceded in death by his parents and 1 grandson.
A viewing will be held Sunday, May 9 from 6-8 pm at Anderson & Sons Mortuary (49 E 100 N, American Fork). Funeral services will be held Monday, May 10 at 11 am at the American Fork West Stake Center (500 N 700 W, American Fork). A brief visitation will be held prior to the service (9:45-10:45 am). Internment will be at the American Fork Cemetery following the services.

Peace at Last

I don't even know how to begin this post. I guess the only way is to just come out with it. My dad and my friend went home this morning at about 2am. He passed away peacefully, and is now at rest. I can't imagine what the reunion with his mother and father must have been like. I also asked Heavenly Father to have a few other people there to greet him - my Uncle Steve and our special little friend Hazel. I can only imagine the joy and happiness that must have been in that place in that moment.

There is a lot of love in this family. There is a lot of peace right now in this family. We've had a lot of angels on this earth that have attended this family through this last trying week. I miss my dad so much that it hurts inside. I called him for every little thing. But I know that he is with the God who created us all.

My heart hopes that all who knew and loved my dad can use this experience as an opportunity to draw closer to that God who created us all. I have no doubt that we have a Heavenly Father who anxiously waits for us to call on Him. He knows us so intimately. I love Him, and am so grateful for that knowledge. I know that we can all have that same knowledge and that God wants us all to know that He lives - that my dad lives.

Lastly, I am grateful for a father who humbly lived his life in such a way that all those who were associated with him knew that he KNEW. It is my hope that we can all honor my sweet father by drawing to closer to our Heavenly Father. That's what he would desire most.

I love you, my daddy.

The Inevitable Outcome

My mom made a very tough decision this weekend. My dad was given a 1% chance to live, and my mom decided that he would never want to live in the state he was in. He was moved to "comfort care only" and we are waiting for what we know must come. My dad has already been called home, and we just have to wait for his body to decide when he is ready.

This is the hardest thing my family has ever been through. We have had our moments, and certainly last night was not one of my proudest. I let anger get in the way of what both my mother and my father needed, and I almost missed out on the very spiritual experience of watching my brother give my dad a blessing of release. It's hard not to be angry at God for what has happened to my dad, but as my little brother said, Satan didn't cause this accident, but he is going to use it to drive us away from Heavenly Father.

It was also pointed out to us last night that Heavenly Father did not prevent this accident either. What that says to me is that this is my father's time to be called to a special mission in heaven, and this experience is all a part of God's plan for my dad.

Thank you for all of the notes on the blog - I read them everyday and they give my family strength. I know some of my friends out there may not have the same belief in God that I do, but please continue to pray for my little family. I am pleading for that. I know God hears our prayers, and even if you don't pray very often to Him, He still hears yours.

Dad has had some rough nights lately. The pressure in his brain has been high, and they've had to treat him with fluids and narcotics, which they had taken him off of. With brain injuries, they don't like to give pain medications because they need to be able to see how the brain responds. Dad hasn't responded yet, and that is somewhat troubling.

They did take the ventilator out of his mouth and did a tracheotomy, and took the feeding tube out of his nose and put a permanent one in his stomach. He is breathing on his own, which is amazing to the doctors. However, his brain is not improving, and that pretty much stinks. We are all hoping for a miracle, but realizing that that miracle gets farther away every day my dad doesn't wake up. Again, it pretty much stinks.

However, the beauty in the situation is that we all feel peace with whatever the outcome will be. If my dad taught us anything, it is that sometimes trusting God is the only thing we can do. I've never doubted that he believed it.

Live To Fight ANother Day

My dad has stayed about the same. Despite the seizure scare we had yesterday morning, he is about the same. That's good and bad; we don't want to see him get worse, but his doctor team is concerned he isn't making more progress. Still, the fact that he is here right now is a miracle, and we're grateful for that.

Dad's Progress

I don't want to sugar coat the situation, but we get so excited about the smallest things around here. For example, his right side of his brain was the side that was damaged, so he technically shouldn't be able to move the left side of his body....and sometimes he does. They tell us that it is just the nerve impulse reactions - however, we still get excited.

My dad has had some great visitors. He sure has a lot of people that care about him. Three of his bosses from work came by yesterday, and so did a woman she works with - Christy. One thing my dad has always loved is the work he does. I'm sure seeing those people would have made him happy. He has a lot of respect for those men. He would be humbled by the love they showed to him, and for the amount of concern and respect they have for him. My dad.....what a guy. One of his bosses said my dad was the most dedicated worker he knows. That was no surprise to me......that's my dad.

Otherwise, dad is about the same. He apparently should be doing more than he is, but we are believers in miracles, and there is peace in whatever happens.

Two Things To Be Grateful For

In the wee hours of the morning, I was sitting by my dad's bedside holding his hand and reading a little story in the Book of Mormon. I read about how Nephi was wondering what the meaning of his father's dream was, and he got told a few things about that dream that hit me in a rather interesting way. In this vision Nephi was given, he was asked if he knew the condesension of God. His response was interesting. He said that he didn't know the meaning of all things, but that he knew God loved his children. I've been a little consumed lately with why God would let this happen to my dad, who has been such a faithful person and given so much to so many. This first hit me in a different way than I expected, because later in the chapter, Nephi is told that the love of God is the most desirable above all things. He was also told it was the most joyous thing to the soul. What made this so powerful was that I KNOW God loves my dad. I know God loves me. And since that is the most important and joyous thing to the soul, why do I concern myself with the why question?

All I have to know is that God loves me, He loves my dad, and that He loves us enough to give us what we need - not always what we want.

Only A Dad
-Edgar Guest

Only a dad with a tired face,
Coming home from the daily race,
Bringing little of gold or fame
To show how well he has played the game;
But glad in his heart that his own rejoice
To see him come and to hear his voice.

Only a dad with a brood of four,
One of ten million men or more
Plodding along in the daily strife,
Bearing the whips and the scorns of life,
With never a whimper of pain or hate,
For the sake of those who at home await.

Only a dad, neither rich nor proud,
Merely one of the surging crowd,
Toiling, striving from day to day,
Facing whatever may come his way,
Silent whenever the harsh condemn,
And bearing it all for the love of them.

Only a dad but he gives his all,
To smooth the way for his children small,
Doing with courage stern and grim
The deeds that his father did for him.
This is the line that for him I pen:
Only a dad, but the best of men.